Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
