he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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