I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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