For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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