Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's blow job season.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
