please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
