the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Randomize
