oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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