I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
