I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
"it" just moved
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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