So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
