the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
