i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
