I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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