so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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