Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
should my penis look like a turkey
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
