Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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