you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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