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i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
