Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize