I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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