I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
