The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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