Cold hands, warm shart.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You need a sexual gate keeper
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
