It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
