i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
