Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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