Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
