24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
