"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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