So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
