a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
