im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
