There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
