Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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