Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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