life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize