i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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