Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
