The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
What drink are we having for lunch?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
