Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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