waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
BRING THE BAGELS
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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