I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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