My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
