I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
