just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
