can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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