this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
