You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
soo... how was my night?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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