Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize