you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
