A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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