is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
a search helicopter?!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Is Oprah even human
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
