Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
