I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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