Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
they call him Oral-B. enough said
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
