If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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