I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize