he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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