your thong is hanging out like whoa
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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