I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
